


A Study In Kisses

by ready_to_kick_some_ass



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 14:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ready_to_kick_some_ass/pseuds/ready_to_kick_some_ass
Summary: Sherlock knows that there are different kinds of kisses.





	A Study In Kisses

Sherlock knows that there are different kinds of kisses.

 **There are goodnight kisses.**  
When he was a child, his mother gave him a kiss every evening. Always on the forehead.  
They were soft and affectional.  
It was their ritual. 

**There are dog kisses.**  
Redbeard gave him a lot.  
They were wet and a bit too much dog, but Sherlock never pushed him away.  
He always just giggled and Redbeard smiled his happy dog smile at him.  
  
**There are surprise kisses.**  
One time, when he was a teenager, Sherlock visited a nightclub.  
He knew that all of his classmates were going there, and that going out was considered a … normal habit for normal teens, so he wanted to try it out. It was part of his long search for a way to fit in.  
It wasn’t a very pleasant experience. It was too loud. There were too many people. He was overhelmed.  
  
When he left, and breathed in the chill night air, relieved, a boy he didn’t know came to him and asked if everything was okay. Sherlock nodded. The boy smiled brightly. He seemed to be a bit drunk. Suddenly, without any warning, he leaned forward and kissed Sherlock on the mouth. It was sloppy and strange. Sherlock was too surprised to do anything. In the next moment, the boy withdrew and walked away, giggling.  
  
Sherlock stared after him. He was completely frozen. He didn’t know how he should interpret this experience, but he knew that he would never go to a club again. 

**There are wanted kisses.**  
Sherlock met Victor Trevor at university.  
At this point, he knew that he was gay, and he asked himself a lot what it would be like to have a boyfriend. To be in love. To be loved. To cuddle. To have sex.  
But he never really had the courage to date someone. He was too insecure.  
  
But one day, Victor Trevor asked him out.  
Sherlock was surprised, and first he was not sure if Victor meant it seriously. Victor was attractive and popular. Why would he want to hang out with Sherlock?  
But when they sat in a cafe, drinking milkshakes, Victor smiled at him and said, “Do you know that you are beautiful?”  
Sherlock blushed, and suddenly he very much wanted to kiss Victor.  
  
And they did. They kissed in front of the cafe and it was great.

 **There are also unwanted kisses.**  
It was Victor, who discovered the cocain.  
It helped him to stay awake longer. To be more attentive. He believed that it would help him to get better grades …  
He was thrilled, and after some hesitance, Sherlock tried it too.  
He was surprised, how much the cocain helped him focus.  
And very quickly, he couldn’t do without them … Neither of them could.  
First, it was bliss.  
But slowly, it became a mixture of desperation and regret.  
  
One day, Victor left and never came back.  
He just disappeared.  
Sherlock wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  
He never thought that Victor was his souldmate or anything. It was love, but it was a kind of fragile and changeable love.  
He gave up searching for Victor after a while.  
And was suddenly alone again.

One day, when he realized that he didn’t have enough money for the drugs anymore, he begged his dealer to give him something on credit.  
The other man just laughed and shook his head.  
“I don’t do that,” he said. “Not that. But … we could make a deal, pretty boy.”  
And suddenly, he leaned forward and gave Sherlock a sloppy kiss on the mouth. It reeked of cigarrettes and cheap vodka.  
Sherlock shoved the man away and left quickly.  
He wouldn’t do that, he swore to himself. Never.

But it was just another kind of self betrayal.  
  


None of the kisses he received in his past is comparable to the one he shares with John Watson years later.  
  
They kiss each other in the pale moonlight in Sherlock’s room.  
They’re standing in front of the window and the curtains are open.  
John’s lips are warm and soft.  
John’s hands are in his hair.  
John is everywhere.  
The kiss is slow and it seems to last an eternity.  
The kiss is salvation.  
It’s the end of their pain and their hiding.  
It’s the end of Sherlock’s search for someone who can see him for who he really is.  
  


**John-kisses** are made of love.

**Author's Note:**

> Corrected by [bakerstreet-irregular](http://bakerstreet-irregular.tumblr.com/).  
> Visit me on [Tumblr](http://currently-in-my-mind-palace.tumblr.com/)


End file.
